3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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