basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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