Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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