i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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