The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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