Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
