i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
