My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
