Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
