I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
