youre lurking in front of me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
