sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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