he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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