Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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