A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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