I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
