I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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