Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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