Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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