the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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