i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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