I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
