My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
