Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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