Duck Duck Cougar?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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