Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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