How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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