We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
