a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
