I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
