Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
