I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
