forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize