you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
