mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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