My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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