My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
