32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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