sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
