eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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