mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
