Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
