this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
