My first STD was from a foam party
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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