New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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