sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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