I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
