never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
