Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
