$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
