Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
