I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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