Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize