There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
