Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
