i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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