i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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