I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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