you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
