I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
