I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
