Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
