your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
