I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
