remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
