Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
