Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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