I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
