is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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