Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
