I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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