i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
