; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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