I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
